CEMACS & me

Hello again. It has been a long time since my last post. Suddenly I feel like I want to recap my experience when I had a field trip to Centre for Marine and Coastal Studies (CEMACS) USM, Teluk Ailing, Penang during my degree back in early 2018. It was actually for a course known as BOI117 (Biodiversity & ecology practical) that consists of laboratory part, which was held at SBS and a field trip to CEMACS for 5/6 days during semester break. 

All of us, Pure Bio students were divided into 2 major groups, A and B. So, each group had around 60+ students and were further divided into smaller groupings. I was in Group B3 (I think, I can't remember anymore). We departed from USM early in the morning on that assigned date. We were already at the campus for our lab sessions about a week prior to the field trip. We stopped by at a point to load off our baggage for a boat ride. Then, the busses continued until the entrance to Penang National Park to drop other students as they need to hike up the trails to reach CEMACS. 

However, I went for a boat ride due to my health condition (can refer to my previous posts) with few other friends that were not in good condition to hike. Besides, the boys were also with us as they need to load the baggage into and out from boat. The boat ride was funny and thrilling when the boatman crashed the waves. I was jolted higher as I sat at the front of the boat. When we arrived at the jetty, I had trouble getting out of the boat as it was bumpy with wave. My legs almost gave up on me but I still managed to hold up my weight and successfully climbed up the staircases. 

Later, we were assigned to dorms with the girls in 2 dorms while the boys in a dorm. I unpacked all my belonging as I was ready to settle there. Later, I discovered that the toilets were inconvenience for me and asked the officer in charge for any other toilet that I can use. But, to no avail, there wasn't any in the dorms except for the buildings for lecturers and officers. I was made to move there. Btw, I had a letter from medical doctor that had an exemption request from any demanding activities that might harm my body further. My friend helped me move my baggage to that building. My roommate was Kak Nora, a science officer. She is a very sweet and caring young lady. 

The next morning, we were assigned to different ecosystem to do observation and collect data. My group started with river ecosystem. We need to hike down the trail as the river is located in the middle, known as Sungai Tukun. But, I was lucky enough since I was delivered to the site by boat alongside Mr. Kumar a.k.a Uncle, our expert. Initially, I thought that I wouldn't be able to join my team in their expedition. At the site, we recorded the data for wind speed, temperature, latitude, longitude, vegetative species, animals species and so on. At the middle part, there was a pond-like structure that collected water, we had fun and played in the water whilst doing the data recording. I managed to join them for all parts of the river starting from lower, middle and upper part of river even though the upper part was only for a short while because the boat was fetching both of us before the low tide.

The next day was our turn for marine ecosystem. Coincidentally, it was Friday. In the morning, we had a talk on marine ecosystem with Prof Zul & Dr Nadine and took a long break that afternoon as the boys needed to go for Friday prayers outside. We only went into the sea water at evening, around 3 pm. We recorded the wind speed etc. and proceeded with doing turbidity reading using Secchi disk, collected animal samples per quad, and even collected algae. My hands even got a few scratches from holding onto rocks with barnacles for support. After we completed our tasks, we were given permission to gather  Venus clams a.k.a lala/retak seribu. It was very enjoyable and memorable. I still remember what a dugong I became while collecting the lala. Those lala were cooked for our lunch the next day. They were so sweet and fresh. 

Our third session was the forest ecosystem, whereby we were required to hike the hill behind CEMACS. Unfortunately, I could not joined my team in their hiking. I waved them goodbye at the gate and joined with that one group doing marine ecosystem. I was told to do so by the officers in charge as they all knew about my circumstances. They joked around, as I had already done with marine ecosystem the day before, I should be the supervisor for the group doing it that day. I stayed with them and took care of their belongings lest the monkeys wanted to stole something. Jk. After a few hours, my group arrived back at the sea side. I joined them to collect data on wind speed, sunlight reading, plants observed and others. Later that evening, we had a presentation on the whole structure of the forest observed from the hill dipterocarps to the beach plants. 

Our last part was the soil ecosystem. We did experiments in the lab using the soil collected from the previous day's hike during forest ecosystem. I could not remember much about this because it was just plain lab procedures with the observation using microscope, some drawings, writings, and others. It gave us a time to relax without doing strenuous activity for the rest of the day. That night, we had a fun time playing and winding around on the beach as it was our last night there. 

The next morning, we readied ourselves to get back to USM. Those who were hiking down departed first after they finished preparing. Meanwhile, I stayed back for a boat ride with the boys, as they needed to load the baggages and microscopes. I helped a little because I felt guilty watching them doing all the works. I took the last boat as the first boat was loaded with bags and equipments. When we arrived at the jetty, the hiking groups did not arrived yet. So, we waited for them while unloading the boats. Around half an hour later, they all arrived. We gathered together for another head count before boarding the busses. After that, we went back to USM for an exam on what we had learnt from the past 2 weeks the next day. 

I was glad that I could join this trip with my friends. From this trip, I became much more closer to my now-closest friends, syamimi, qadijah, hasnira & hanis. Sadly, hakimah was in group A, so we were separated. Besides, I also get to get to know more of my classmates especially my group mates, syazwani, zakirah, anis, arshiq, iffat, athirah, umi, lidya, mira, maryam, pavi, aqil, afiq and amet to name a few. I also became close to Kak Nora and Parjo as they were my "guardians" there. Everyone was very concerned and looked after me and my well-being throughout my stay at Cemacs. I regretted for not taking more pictures during those times as much of my memories from that time blurred out from my mind. I wrote this mainly on what I can still recalled. 

Last but not least, these are a few things that may be essentials for those who will be doing field trip such as this BOI117: 

1. Wear rubber shoes as it can be used in many situations. We might need to walk in water and this shoes can better protect our feet compared to canvas shoes. Besides, it can dried easily compared to any canvas or sport shoes. 

2. Packed lightly, only essential needs. My mistake was packed quite heavily with pillow, blanket etc due to my health condition as I need to prepare for every worst case scenario possible that might occur. My advice is that asked the person-in-charge about what should be brought along and what not to. 

3. Be frank about your health conditions if you have any illness. Better yet, asked your doctor to provide you with a letter to validated your condition. This is necessary so that they are aware of your situation and keep a close eye on you. And if the activity seemed too dangerous for you, ask for an exemption. 

4. Bring along waterproof phone case as there are activities that might involve water. Besides, it also can be used to protect our phone from rain. Having this protection mechanism, we can take lots of pictures without needing to worry about our phone getting wet. These pictures can be used for documentation purposes and even serve as  lifetime memories. 

5. For clothes, bring jersey material and easy to dry material as we will encounter water a lot. Do not bring cotton material as it will take a longer time to dry and will become heavy once it is soaked wet.  

P/s: This is just my pov without specific description on what had happened during my trip to cemacs. I personally really love this trip and held it close to my heart. As I said, many of these became hazy but there are a few scenes that are still refresh in my mind as it occured only yesterday but I'm not gonna tell here. Will end this writing here today. So, goodbye for now. 

1130 hrs / 08122023 - Friday 

From left: hanis, me, syamimi, hasnira & qadijah. This pic is from IG post, I cannot find any other pics aside from the posted pics as I changed my phone twice already plus I did not have that many pics to begin with. Rajin2 lah post di socmed for memories ✌️✌️

GE15 as First-time voter

Hello there. Long time no update here. Currently, I'm busy with my study. I pursue Master in Science (Health Toxicology) at AMDI, USM after resting for about a year. My BSc. didn't offer many job opportunities, so I decided to venture into new area that overlapped with my interest. 

So, the story about my first-time voter in Malaysia's GE15 starts here. The eligible age for this GE round is 18yo. Meanwhile, I'm 24 and the last GE, I was 20 whereby the eligible age was 21. Anyway, I was excited as I could fulfill my duty as a Malaysian. I didn't want to impart my opinions on political aspects. Rather, I just want to share my experience going to voting centre. 

My polling station was at SMK Bakti while my sisters were at SK Pengkalan Jaya. I didn't know how we were parted like this since our address was the same. Maybe, I registered much earlier than them. I was in Saluran 1, which is for elderly and handicapped personnel. Well, I was in the second category. When I went to "meja semakan daftar pengundi", the officer who wrote it was shocked at first and ask the other one again for reconfirmation. She was like " saluran 1?!". Yup, it's me with my invisible disability. They might had been wondering what kind of OKU I am. "She seems normal, maybe she's mentally OKU, but she didn't look mentally ill" was what they might thought. I'm in physical category. Seems normal on the outside, but you can see subtle hint if you observe carefully. 

After I got my piece of paper with saluran & number, I walked joyfully. I was very excited and expected saluran 1 to be a quick touch n go. However, luck was not on my side. As I arrived, there was already a long queue of grans, aunties & uncles. I was the only young people in that line. Chairs were provided, so I sat down first because I was having shortness of breath already. Later, an old granny came and cut in the queue, probably she didn't expect that I was also queuing. Later, she was asked to go first by others since she's older than them. The officers prioritize those in wheelchairs & sick elders to go first.  

It took about 15 minutes before the queue started to move. What are they doing in there? Saluran 2 ahead of us already cleared after they queued for a few minutes. It was quite interesting when listening to conversations between the uncles & aunties. It's like a reunion of villagers & old friends. The waiting time until my turn took about 45 minutes. It was very long for saluran 1 if compare with saluran 1 at other polling stations. 

And it was my turn. The officer read out my number, IC and name. It was on the first page, and supposedly "(OKU)" was written next to my name, but I didn't notice it (I only knew about it while conversing with my uncle that have the same circumstance as me). So, I dipped my finger, collected the ballot paper, places my bag in the basket and proceed to "X" the preferred candidate. My parliament had 5 candidates from 5 different parties. So, the ballot paper was quite long. I couldn't imagine how long the ballot papers for 10-corners match. 

After putting my ballot paper inside the box, I went out and washed my hand at the sink provided. The ink was little bit messy but it's okay. I called my father while walking to the gate so that he would pick me up at the gate. I'd lost my energy tremendously queueing in the line. It was very tiring but I felt happy. Later, we both went to pick my sisters from their polling stations. They were in saluran 5, which was expected to be crowded than any other, but they also finished at the same time as me. 

We still didn't have an official PM yet as of now (0002 hrs, 24 Nov), but I hope Malaysia will have a good PM and cabinet members that care for the people & country. 

P/s: I'm an OKU cardholder as of July 2022, after years of battling with my inner voice. I was suggested to apply it much earlier (2019) by my aunt when I still cannot accept the fact that I might have to live with it for the rest of my life. This year, I decided to apply it and I have accepted this fate. However, I will still find ways towards full recovery. I started driving once again since I need to go to classes but I can only drive less than 30 minutes per trip. If not, I'll be having body ache for the rest of the day. And I need a lot of rest when I get home even if the journey is a short one. With my condition, I don't think I'll be able to have a family of my own. Kesian kt laki tu, tapi kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana. For the time being, let's live my single life to the fullest.  

Kidney biopsy (GwSSc3)

 Welcome back to my blog. In conjunction with World Sleroderma Day (29th June), I want to share a little bit more of my journey in completing my degree while battling Scleroderma (SSc). 

Apart from having SSc, I was also detected with overt proteinuria and referred to nephrology. After 2 years of fluctuating readings, doctors decided that it would be better for me to undergo biopsy. I was in my 3rd year (semester 6) during that time. The date for biopsy was set on the spot after I thought it through (I went for the appointment by myself that day). However, I forgot that my parents would be travelling overseas at that time 🥴. After discussing with my family, my aunties were willing to accompany me on behalf of my parents. 

Before I was admitted, I sent notification letters to all my lecturers whom I had classes with to avoid any problems since attendances to classes were important. If not, the chances of being barred from exam might be higher. It was during a hectic time when labs were conducted and lab reports must be submitted. Luckily, no tests were scheduled. 

Supposedly I must be admitted to the ward in the morning. But due to lack of hospital bed, I was told to be there at noon. I was led into an isolation room at the end of the corridor. I never thought that I would be in a 1-person room as I prepared myself to be in general ward. What a bless. After settling myself down, a doctor came to withdraw my blood for blood test. After 3rd try, he gave up. It was evening already. He called his friend for help. After the 9th try and few more doctor, my blood was successfully withdrew. And it was already dark outside. This is a common problem in people with SSc since many of us might have small, collapsing vein or other conditions that make it difficult to draw blood. So, it is normal for us to be poked around with butterfly, branula a few times every trip of blood test. If luck was on us that day, one jab was a success already. 

After the result was out, they told me that I need platelet transfuse. So, the jabbing for IV line preparation continued. I lost count after the 5th jab and it was still a failure. Lastly, they called anaesthesiologist for help. She was also failed. She asked help from her boss and brought over an ultrasound machine. Both of them tried to make an IV line at my neck. I felt like they tried to slaughter me with the machine pressing onto my neck and needle probing my skin (jk 😁). Still, it was a failure and the clock already showed past midnight. They told me that they would brought me to IR (interventional radiology) the next morning. Around 5.30 am, I was awoke by a doctor and was told that I need to have IV drip ASAP. She told me that there was a place where they didn't try yet. It was a central line, specifically femoral line. I agreed to it. Still, it was a tough journey to set up an IV line. Plus, I was alone on the 1st night since we thought no company was allowed. 

At first, it was quite awkward to move around with a branula stuck at that area, but soon I got used to it. The biopsy procedure was in the afternoon, on 2nd day. I was guided and walked to a room. It was shocking since the room looks like a library with all the books and papers around. In the middle of the messiness, there was a procedure bed with all the necessary equipment beside it. I laid down on my stomach on the bed and was encircled by a few doctors including 3 specialists. I was briefed about the procedure. Later, I was given local anesthetic to my back area near the kidney. I could feel the needles probing into my skin, my kidney and everything that happened but I didn't feel any pain. After resting for 15 minutes, I was pushed into the isolation room. I couldn't move from the bed for another 6 hours. I was instructed to pee into the specimen bottles for them to check if there was any bleeding. Fortunately, my aunty, Acu, was there to accompany and help me after doctor told that it would be better to have a company. 

I was discharged at 3 pm the next day. I went home and was given a week worth MC. But, I still had to submit my assignment the day I was discharged. I forced myself to complete it despite feeling exhausted from the hospital trip. Well, I guess that's all I want to share about my kidney biopsy experience. The result from the biopsy suggested that I might have FSGS but cannot be determined due to lack of specimen. I do have an IG story highlight about this. Feel free to watch it if you want to know more inside story ✌️✌️ 

Graduating with Scleroderma part 2

Another unforgettable experience was when I was having a final exam in meeting room, also in my 3rd year. The meeting room have a platform-like structure surrounding the middle area, so we must step onto the platform if we want to go to the door. After the answer sheets were submitted to the invigilator, which happened to be our lecturer, we were busy packing up our belongings. As always, I stayed a little behind from everyone. When it was my turn, not more than 10 people left in the room. As I stepped on the platform, my leg gave up on me again and I fell on my knees. I tried to ask help from Mimi & Hanis, my two close friends. Somewhat later, I found myself laying on the floor face first because my back also gave up on me. Luckily, the floor was carpeted. In an attempt to stop me from falling hard on my face, mishap occurs to Mimi's pants (I felt guilty up to this day even though she's cool about it). 

I needed to lay on my back first before I could get up. Mimi & Hanis both stepped on my feet to planted it to the floor and pulled me up. After 2 attempts, I was able to stand up. They helped me packed my belongings & accompanied me to my hostel. Once I arrived at my room, I felt a stinging pain at my knees. There were bruises and a little skin abrasion. It took about a week to heal completely. What a catch for such small injuries. 

There was another falling incident which happened in my 4th year. This was when I went back to live in hostel during the MCO 3.0 in Malaysia. That day, I went to the cafeteria to buy food for lunch. I went alone since my sister, which happened to be my roommate, was fasting. I didn't bring my phone with me. I bought rice with beef soup and sambal belacan. Then, I wanted to buy some drinks. As I walked to the drinking stall, I found my legs stopped working mid-air causing me to have misstep. As I tried to stop myself, I later found myself fell on my face, surely a hard one. I could not wake up by myself. A few cafeteria aunties came to my rescue. They helped me got up and carried me to a chair. Thank goodness they all somewhat knew that I was not very well from the beginning. It was rather embarrassing with all eyes on me, but what could I do. My right forehead was swollen as big as an egg. An uncle who works at the hostel knew my father & he contacted my father. Another uncle called for ambulance from university clinic. A few students informed my sister & she later came down. The ambulance arrived and I was taken to the clinic. 

Once at the clinic, I was examined by the doctor & taken for a X-ray. Luckily there was nothing serious occured. No concussion or whatsoever. I was discharged with few medication for the swollen. Later, my sister's friend came and gave us a ride to hostel. Funny enough, I have an appointment with rheumatology at GHPP the next day. I told the doctor about that incident. She referred me to neurology department. The swollen took about 4 days to subside. And I felt rather traumatic to went anywhere alone without my phone for a few weeks after that. 

As for my Final Year Project, I was quite pitiful. I need to change my project at the very last minute due to the unexpected MCO 3.0 that happened back in 2021. Before that, I had changed my title once from the original one. Let me tell you how we choose our FYP title. First, we must submitted a form with our top 3 selected topic. Then, the result will determine our project & supervisor. I, for sure, filled in my form and submitted it. However, 1 topic was short from the list. Little did I knew that the missing topic was specially intended for me. After a few thinking, I changed my title to accommodate my condition. As I prepared to start my project after semester break, the Malaysian government announced MCO 3.0. WTH. That night, I could not fell asleep at all. I planned another project, wrote another proposal and sent it to my supervisor. Luckily, my SV was understanding and he allowed me to change my title again. Well, as the time went by, I managed to finish my project within the limited time. And all the writing and presenting went well without major  hindrance. And as of October 2021, I officially graduated with not-so-flying-colours but "boleh la" (so-so). I could accept it since I knew I did gave my best even though I was once a very brilliant student during my school years. I knew that having this disease cost me my brain capacity with all the brain-fogging. Tbh, I went back and forth with google translate since there are certain words that I forgot the spelling, the words in english even simple ones (sometimes). So, pardon me for any mistakes that happened in this writing yeah. 

Well, I guess that's all I wanna share for the time being. See you in another posting soon. Take care & stay safe. Be happy and enjoy the moment. 

Graduating with Scleroderma part 1

 Hello!! Long time no update about my life with Scleroderma (aka Systemic sclerosis, SSc.) y'all. This time I wanna share about my degree life as someone with SSc. 

Alhamdulillah, I've completed my B. Sc. (Hons.) Biology in USM on time, which was on October 2021, as per 4-year degree programme. However, the convocation was only be able to be held this year due to Covid situation. So, yeayyy!! I was able to wear my graduation robe and walk on the stage last May. It was coincidental with my birth month & eid month. So, lots of things happened in the span of that one month. 

Having this disease was not easy especially for me and for those around me; my family & my close friends. There were a lot of unfortunate incidents, blood, sweat, tears, self-deprecating, mental health crisis, etc. But, I was able to overcome those with the helps and encouragement from people around me. 

For those who didn't know, I was diagnosed with SSc. in my 1st year of degree. It was quiet devastating at first since we never heard about it. But, as the time goes by, everything felt somewhat tolerable despite a few hiccups from time to time. I'm grateful enough that I was diagnosed earlier (about a year later after symptoms appeared). And due to me being in Malaysia, a tropical country, the progress of my symptoms were slower compared to others in 4-season countries especially in terms of sclerodactyly. It was not completely uninterrupted since the tightening still occured but at a much slower & under controlled. Raynauds still persist until today. However, calcinosis was long gone after I stopped taking calcium supplement. The scars left by the calcinosis still visible on the tip of my fingers. Telanglectasias are all over my body. Some doctors said it was not that but rather side effect of prednisone. I don't really know which to believe. GERD is getting worse especially at night, sometimes I'm gassy and bloated all day, sometimes I don't. That is the update of my current condition. 

Now, let's talk about my degree journey. I think I wanna share unforgettable experiences during my 4 years as a university student. Having SSc. have impacted a lot of daily life activities especially mobility issue. Going back & forth from classes to hostel were challenging when my hostel was located on the hill, while the lecture was located about 2 km away, with lots of stairs & reclining road. When I was feeling better, I walk a little to the bus stop & rode the bus to class. If I was having a not-so-good day, I would took Grab/Uber. 

Speaking of bus, I had an unfortunate incident while riding the bus one day in my 3rd year of university. On that particular day, me & my friends went to Queensbay Mall for an outing after class ended. We took the free CAT bus to commute there. On the way back, after few minutes of waiting, the CAT bus arrived. There were quiet lots of people also awaiting for the bus. Everybody were fighting to get on the bus first to grab a seat but I stayed a far bit behind. When almost everyone boarded the bus, I crept my way up to the bus. I climbed onto the bus with my right leg first. It struck me the moment I tried to push my body up to stand that my leg gave out on me at the bus' door. WTH. The bus was going to move at any time. I dragged both of my feet into the bus and kneeled by the door finding for support. Luckily I was not alone. My friends tried to pull me up at first but it was a failed attempt. They helped me to grab my bag & other things from me. After several tries of trying to stand up by the door, I was devastated. A lot of people also look at me. I was really embarrassed but what could I do. After few minutes, an elderly woman (around 50 yo) stood up from her seat. I made my way slowly while knee-walking to the empty seat. I then prompted myself up the seat feeling really grateful for the aunt. 

When we arrived at my hostel, my friend, Mimi, accompanied me back to my room. Not gonna lie, I felt that my leg would gave up on me anytime after I disembarked the bus. The journey to my room was challenging in that condition since I must climbed up a flight of stairs. But, I managed to endure it until I arrived at my room. Once I saw the bed, I collapsed on it immediately not having any energy left to remove my socks or anything. That was a really bad day for me. I uploaded an IG story about that incident hoping that the older members of my family were not alerted especially my late grandmother since she was not well. However, she later found out about it from my aunt and cried a little (according to my aunt). Later that night, I was lectured by her through phone calls and was given a warning of not going anywhere without any accompany. Since that day, I have trouble with busses and would think thoroughly before I rode one up to this day. 

One Asma' Chapter 4 (Kejar-mengejar penceroboh)

Tahun berikutnya, bilangan pelajar luar negeri bertambah. Adik Iffah, Izzati juga menyambungkan pelajaran di situ. Junior Amirah, Sarah dan Aqilah, serta junior Syammas, Hawa, turut sama sambung belajar di MMP. Maka, bertambahlah bilangan pelajar yang tidak pulang pada minggu balik. 

P/s: sila rujuk gambar di atas untuk kedudukan kawasan aspuri. Bangunan yang bertanda X masih belum wujud pada ketika itu. 

Pada suatu petang hari persekolahan, kesemua pelajar perlu mengosongkan blok masing-masing dan ke masjid aspuri (surau). Setelah selesai menunaikan solat magrib, tiba-tiba terdengar jeritan dari blok A. Jeritan itu datangnya daripada pelajar yang tidak turun blok. Setelah disoal, dia menyatakan bahawa ternampak kelibat seorang lelaki di dalam blok. 

Perkara tersebut dimaklumkan kepada warden. Kemudian, semua pelajar diminta untuk naik ke blok masing-masing serta memastikan tiada barang yang dicuri. Boleh dikatakan setiap pelajar memegang apa sahaja alatan yang boleh dijadikan senjata seperti penyapu, penyodok, gunting dan sebagainya. [ Waktu ni aku pegang gunting kertas kalau tak salah. Adrenalin memuncak, duk pikiaq kalau jumpa, tibai saja. Dia sorang, kami ramai.]

Dalam keadaan kelang-kabut, terdengar pula jeritan lain mengatakan bahawa si lelaki itu telah menyamar sebagai pelajar dengan memakai telekung dan keluar dari blok menuju ke arah padang asrama. Maka, berbondong-bondonglah pelajar berlari mengejarnya. [ Mentang-mentanglah pakaian rasmi kami turun blok pakai telekung, dia pun join sekaki sebab nak konfiuskan orang]

Dikhabarkan bahawa si lelaki terbabit telah memanjat tangki air besar di tepi sekolah itu. Pada ketika itulah, pihak polis tiba. Mereka pun memeriksa tangki air tersebut. Kedengaran suara sekumpulan pemuda seperti bersorak kegembiraan merentas jalan besar pada waktu sama.  Setelah beberapa ketika, polis datang memaklumkan bahawa tiada apa-apa yang dijumpai.

Malam itu, kesemua pelajar diminta membaca surah Yasin disamping al-Mulk sebagai pelindung diri. Mereka juga bergilir-gilir berjaga di bilik masing-masing untuk keselamatan. Biarpun hampir 10 tahun berlalu, masih terbayang peristiwa kejar-mengejar itu sehingga kini. Antara pengalaman berharga bersekolah di sekolah perempuan membuktikan kami kuat dan berani dalam apa keadaan. Kita jaga kita [cewwahh]

Sehingga ke hari ini, banyak persoalan masih belum terungkap. Benarkah ada lelaki yang memecah masuk asrama? Kalau betul, bagaimana dia melakukannya? Satu-satunya cara adalah melalui pintu di rooftop (flat rooftop tempat sidai baju). Hendak dikatakan salah, sorakan kegembiraan pemuda tika itu menimbulkan syak wasangka. Hmmmm entahlah. Wallahualam. 

One Asma' Chapter 3

 Selepas selesai berkenalan, Iffah pun duduk termenung di atas katil. Sambil termenung, sambil memerhati orang yang baru masuk. Petang pun menjelma. Bilangan orang yang masuk keluar bilik pun mula berkurangan. Iffah pun turun dari katil meninjau keadaan bilik. 

Setelah beberapa langkah menapak, Iffah terlihat kelibat seorang pelajar sedang duduk di atas katil. "Assalamualaikum. Nama apa?" Iffah bertanya. Nama pelajar tersebut ialah Nurul Amirah. Maka, Iffah pun perkenalkan diri. "Asal mana?" tanya Iffah. "Penang" jawab Amirah. "La, kami pun oghang penang jugak." Iffah menjawab. Rupa-rupanya, mereka berdua berasal dari Penang. Kebetulan pula, mereka berdua juga sekelas, Tingkatan 1 Khadijah 3.

Bilik Asma' 1 juga mempunyai ramai pelajar luar negeri. Syammas dari Kedah, Hani dari Melaka, Ieman dari Selangor, Anis Syukriah dan Aqilah dari Terengganu. 

Pada hari pertama persekolahan, mereka ke sekolah bersama-sama. Mereka menghadapi masalah komunikasi kerana dialek Kelate yang digunakan di dalam kelas. Namun, masalah komunikasi dapat diatasi dengan pertolongan rakan-rakan sekelas. 

Pada minggu balik, kebanyakan pelajar asrama pulang ke rumah masing-masing. Yang tinggal di bilik hanyalah 3 budak utara dengan seorang senior tingkatan 4 yang baru berpindah ke MMP, Kak Nisah, orang Selangor. Manakala yang lain-lain pulang ke rumah nenek atau saudara mereka. 

Jadi, warden mengumpulkan pelajar-pelajar yang tidak pulang di dalam satu/dua bilik sahaja. Pada waktu tersebut, bilangan yang tidak pulang memang teramat sedikit. Makanan pun perlu dibeli di luar kerana dewan makan tidak menyediakan makanan. 

One Asma' Chapter 2

 Chapter 2

Setelah beberapa hari menunggu, surat tawaran berserta segala jenis borang tiba menandakan bahawa Iffah berjaya menempatkan diri di MMPKB. Maka, segala persediaan untuk berangkat ke Kelantan dilaksanakan. Maklumlah, pertama kali bakal berkelana di bumi lain seorang diri tanpa sebarang kenalan. 

Hari pendaftaran pun berkunjung tiba. Setelah mendaftarkan diri di kelas 1Khadijah 3, Iffah mendaftarkan diri di asrama pula. Ternyata bilik yang bakal dihuninya adalah Asma' 1 (1A). Blok Asma' adalah blok terbaru berbanding blok lainnya meskipun telah berdiri di situ lebih daripada 10 tahun. 

Pertama kali menjejakkan kaki di dalam bilik, perasan terkejut tidak dapat digambarkan kerana ianya tidak seperti yang dibayangkan. Iffah membayangkan yang setiap bilik adalah seperti asrama sekolah kementerian. Rupa-rupanya, keadaan asrama di MMPKB adalah jauh dari bayangan minda. Jumlah penghuni di bilik 1A sahaja sudah melebihi 40 orang. Katilnya double-decker, dibahagikan kepada 6 kumpulan kecil, satu kumpulan ada 4 katil double-decker, dengan jumlah maksimum 8 orang. 

Iffah ditempatkan di katil atas berdekatan dengan pintu masuk ke bilik. Bercakap mengenai pintu, pintu di setiap tingkat hanyalah ada di hujung koridor. Disebabkan 1A bilik yang paling awal, maka dekatlah kami dengan pintu tersebut. Tambahan pula, bilik kami tidak dilengkapi dengan pintu khusus, hanya pintu gerbang semata. Agak bahaya jika difikirkan, tapi mujur setiap malam pintu pagar blok dikunci dan pintu di koridor utama pun turut dikunci. 

Katil bawah Iffah juga dihuni oleh pelajar baru. Namanya Nurul, orang Kelantan. Kumpulan katil kami terdiri daripada 4 pelajar tingkatan 1 termasuk Faten dan Nayli, serta Kak Mah (senior tingkatan 5) serta 2 orang lagi (tak ingat siapakah). 

Almari pun hanyalah bersebelahan katil sahaja. Almarinya pun tidaklah sebesar asrama sekolah kerajaan, almari 2 pintu, seorang akan dapat satu pintu. Loker buku pun dikongsi 2 orang satu loker. Minimalis habisan. Walaupun begitu, semangat untuk menuntut ilmu di negeri serambi Mekah terus berkobar-kobar. 

VACCINE DOSE 1, 2 & 3

 It has been a long time since I last upload something in here. Today I just want to share my experiences with COVID-19 VACCINE as an immunocompromised patient. For those who didn't know me yet, I'm having an autoimmune disease known as Scleroderma since December 2016. Thank goodness that everything is still under control even though  I'm being referred to few specialists: rheumatology (main), nephrology (main) and neurology (for the time being). Supposedly I was also referred to  dermatology, but I ditched it since I was too busy to go to hospital frequently. Luckily, both of my main appointments were arranged on the same day and they work close to one another. Furthermore, I am also on methotrexate (MTX) that make me more susceptible to infection since my immune system is being controlled extremely. 

Once the government announce that vaccine were available for public, I was getting overwhelmed with many thoughts. When the Malaysians fought hard to book a slot for Astra Zeneca, I didn't join the fight. Fortunately, my appointment with my doc was approaching at that time. On the appointment date, I was accompanied by my father as usual. After having the regular check up, the doc asked me if either I wanted the vaccine or not. As fast as lightning, I nodded. Then, the doc told me more about vaccine that were being given by the hospital's vaccine centre. The vaccine given was Pfizer due to the fact that most people that were vaccinated there mostly patients. She then filled my information in the web and gave me the medical slip for vaccine. I felt slightly guilty since I was the earliest in my family to get vaccine. 

I was very impatient while waiting for my 1st vaccine on 11th June 2021. Everyday I checked MySejahtera for any update on my appointment status. I was filled with anxiety since there were nothing while people who got the spot for AZ had status update on theirs. Unfortunately, travels between district were not allowed due to increasing covid cases. So, I needed to go with university's transport. The procedures were quite troublesome since I must filled in few forms and got clearance from the university. And during that time, I was required to travel to hospital frequently and those procedures must be done each time.  Don't ask me, I got all mad when thinking about this. However, the drivers were all good and  understanding. 

On the long-awaited day, I wore short-sleeved t-shirt and layered it with cardigan since many people suggested this. I rode the van all by myself, just imagine how embarrassing and guilty I felt when there was only me as the passenger in the big van. What can I do. Once I got there, a lot of people were queueing. I joined the line. Most of them were elders in wheelchair, and I was possibly the youngest there. Hmmm what can I say. While waiting for my turn, it started raining cats and dogs. By the way, my doc did highlighted that I have tachycardia which is a condition of abnormal heartbeat rate in the slip. The staff who took my blood pressure look puzzled but then I said " it's always like that for me". Then, the procedures continue as usual. It's time for my 1st jab. I felt slightly nervous since thus is my first time I got vax shot after so long. But, it was better than I expected since I used to getting blood drawn out for blood tests that usually took around 3 jabs before the blood could be drawn. I only knew later that MySejahtera update were done on the spot. My anxiety was all for naught. The side effects after 1st dose were only tiredness, red and sore at injection site, muscle and joint pains without fever. Then, life went on plainly in hostel dorm. Btw, it was the firts time that I stayed for 2 solid months in the hostel without going back home. My home is considered as nearby while my father also works as lecturer in the same university. 

My 2nd dose was on 2nd July. A few days before, I had another appointment with neurologist due to mishap that happened prior. Rheumatologist referred me to neuro since she worried that something bad might happened that caused me to face an accident before. It was a tiring week for me to be honest. Nothing much happened during registration. However, upon receiving the jab, the feeling of vaccine dispersed was not there. I tried to be positive. When I got to my room, there was no side effect emerged, no joint pain, no muscle pain, no redness, nothing at all. I tried to be positive. A few days later, I read a news article about empty vaccine syringe and later, more and more about vaccination mishap surfaced one by one. I was overwhelmed with negative thoughts. What if the same thing happened to me? Why I didn't look closely when I was jabbed? I did received the required amount right? Almost a week I thought about this. But I couldn't do anything to calmed myself since there was no evidence and solely rely on my memory. I tried to be positive about it. 

Months later, the government announced that 3rd dose were needed and they prioritised frontliners followed by elderly citizens. But, the condition for 3rd dose is that the duration from last shot must be at least  3 months for Sinovac and 6 months gor Pfizer. Once again, I felt disturbed when the conditions did not aligned with me. Luckily, I got appointment with me rheumatologist on 18th November. Actually, the date was postponed from September when the Covid cases when frenzied during that time. And so, there I went to the appointment as usual. Fortunately, I arrived relatively early before many more patients. Thus, I met with the doc early. After finishing my routine check up and asking questions, she asked me if I wanted the 3rd dose. Being me with the insecurities about my 2nd dose, of course I did want it ASAP. She filled me a form by 10.30 am for the vaccine slot at 12.30 pm that same day. I was on my toes because my nephro appointment was not settled yet. Plus, the waiting time for medicine dispense at the pharmacy also quite long. Luckily, all of them finished by 12.20 pm and the vaccine location was nearby. I rushed to the location and arrived there at 12.28 pm and no people was waiting. The processes were smooth like butter. And I felt at ease since not many people were around. But, as soon as I entered the car, I had splitting headache and my blood pressure after vaccination was low than average apparently. After few hours of sleep, the headache was gone.  The side effects for my 3rd dose were similar to my 1st one with muscle and join pain, tiredness, and so on. 

That's all for my vaccination experiences for all my three doses. Actually, there were many more that happened, but I cut it short 😁😁. See you when I see you. Byebye 🤗🤗

First love story

 "There's a corner of my heart that is yours. I don't mean it for now or until I've found somebody else, I mean forever. I just want to say that whether I fall in love thousand times or once or never again, there'll always be a small quiet place in my heart that only belongs to you."

"My first love, I’ll never forget, and it’s such a big part of who I am, and in so many ways, we could never be together, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not forever, because it is forever." 

"Your first love is always alive and lives all time in your heart. How much you try to forget, it never goes away from your heart." 

Hello there. This is my first love story that involved outsiders. Yeap. I think so. Why? It has been almost 15 years but still he popped up in my mind sometimes. I wonder how or why. I guess the first quote is most likely the most suitable one for this case. Because you're still occupying a small portion of my heart and mind but being deeply buried inside. 

Long time no see Mr. AO. I guess  you've been doing well all this time. After almost 10 years since I last saw you, you've grown into a tall, dark and handsome guy. But, I think you're fairer than me though due to my circumstances struggling in my battle with SSc nowadays. Just checking you out through your dp. Let me be clear here, I meant no harm or anything. Just simply wanna know if you're still breathing the air or not. Sometimes you just came into my dreams uninvited making me reminiscence all the memories that I still could gather from my memory. Enough with the greetings. I know that you will never read this, but still want to greet you though. 

He was my classmate for 5 years during elementary school. I liked him since I was 8 at that time. I don't really know why. I just liked him a lot. I guaranteed that it was not love at the first sight. Maybe that was what people said puppy love. When I was in standard 3, a few of my friends knew about this and made fun of me. I remembered that our classroom teacher had arranged us to sit together for quite some time. I don't really talk to him a lot, just simply about works or academic stuff. Betore I forgot, we always topped the exam for the entire batch plus one more friend. It was like the three 'brainy' musketeers that sticks together in every exam that I could recalled. 

When we were in standard 5, the teacher appointed four of us including Mr. Brainy no. 1 and Ms. Moon to be emcees for morning prayers and exercise. I named us the quadruple MC (emcee) squad. Forgot to mention, he was a prefect since standard 2 and I became a prefect the next year. Starting from that MC moment onwards, I talked to him more. Henceforth, I started liking football, F1 & few more. All hail to him and Mr. Brainy no. 1  that made me fell into it. I was assigned as the main MC for wednesday since it was English day, and he always recited the prayers. His english was good due to his mother being an english teacher at our school. 

There was one time that I had a little misunderstanding with my bff at that time, Ms. Moon due to God knew why. His mother asked us whether it was due to her son's? I was speechless, not knowing how to interpret it. At last, we just denied anything to avoid any further suspicion or misunderstanding. Up until now, I still don' t get it tho.  

In standard 6, he was slowly being pushed aside when I had a new crush on my other classmate, Mr. Sasuke. I named him Sasuke because he reminds me of that character, cold and aloof. Well, I did the most stupidiest and dumbest thing that I could ever imagined to this Sasuke guy. I had a feeling that I was once texted him "ILY" or something almost similar to it  the last night before school holiday. Silly my younger self. But, I was once cried when that AO was punished by the teacher. Why did I cried? I don't know, maybe just feeling sad when I saw him getting the punishment. Once again, what a fool girl I was once upon a time. 

There was one time I dreamed about being invited to AO's wedding. I went to the wedding and congratulated them. The bride seemed to be his childhood lover. I harbored no hard feelings or anything during that time. However, few days ago another dream appeared out of the blue. I got to know that he still had feeling for his childhood lover named F*****a (I never met her in real life). I was so heartbroken and dejected. Due to frustation, I splurged all my money on shopping spree in malls and treated everyone that I knew. What a ridiculous dream. But, can I just took it as an omen for me. Guess what? Something nice did happened to me the next day. I received a compensation from lazada for about RM 2++. Alhamdulillah. Thank goodness for that blessing. 

So, that's all I want to tell. Perhaps we can meet again someday with the others as well. One of our classmate had left us already. Al-Fatihah (recited) for allahyarham Azrul. Till next time. See you all. Farewell. 

P/s: pardon for any grammatical mistake. Just messing and mixing everything in one sentence till it makes sense and sounds right. 

Update: sejak kebelakangan ini, saudara selalu muncul dalam mimpi saya. Bukan sekali dua tau, it was almost every night for the past week. I buat istikharah untuk benda lain, you yang muncul. What kind of petunjuk is this? Saya trauma sikit mimpi-mimpi orang yang dah lama tak jumpa ni. Last time, azrul selalu muncul tup2 he's gone. Kali ni saudara pulak, I'm afraid. Saya doakan semoga saudara sentiasa berada di bawah lindungan Allah dan sejahtera dunia akhirat lah ye even though kita tak berjumpa di dunia ni. 

Update (6 April 2025): 

Angin pun tahu rasa hati, bisik perlahan,

“Tenanglah sayang, takdir tak pernah janji dia milikmu.” 

Officially signing off from worrying about you from a distance. Jaga diri baik-baik. Semoga berbahagia hingga ke syurga AO & pasangan. Btw, you both looks good together. 

1 Litre of Tears (my story)

1 litre of tears

              

Fifteen-year-old Ikeuchi Aya is an ordinary girl, soon to be high school student and daughter of a family who works at a tofu shop. As time passes, unusual things start happening to Aya. She begins falling down often and walking strangely. Her mother Shioka, takes Aya to see the doctor, and he informs Shioka that Aya has spinocerebellar degeneration - a rare disease where the cerebellum of the brain gradually deteriorates to the point where the victim cannot walk, speak, write, or eat. A cruel disease, as it does not affect the mind. The story revolved around the time from when Aya was 14-20 before a big time skip. When she died at 25, her family carried her wishes for her body to be donated for medical research purposes. (Source: wikipedia).

Aku tengok cerita ni years ago tak ingat tahun bila since dah lama sangat. Tapi, aku masih ingat jalan cerita dia. Aya start tunjuk simptom sakit tu bila dia jatuh tersembam tanpa dapat tangannya tahan (like macam lumpuh tetiba). Aku dah mula rasa sebak bila tengok dia jadi macam tu. Lepas tu, penyakit dia mula progress dan aku nampak betapa susahnya untuk dia terima apa yang jadi kat badan dia. Bayangkan, sebelum ni dia atlet sekolah, tetiba tak boleh main game dah. Dari boleh berjalan, kena guna wheelchair. Tak silap dia pindah pi sekolah OKU lepas tu. Terperangkap di dalam badan sendiri tanpa boleh berbuat apa-apa. Luckily, orang sekeliling dia bagi support terutamanya family dia dan boyfriend-nya (maybe).  Boyfriend dia tu selalu tolong dia, bagi semangat and stay by her side till her end. Aku terpikir la enn ' if something is going to happen to me one day, will someone be there for me apart from my family?'

Dan sekarang, aku dah tau jawapannya. I don't have anyone to be called "boyfriend" or "special someone". All i have are my family members and few close friends that helped me in campus life. Aku dah alami macam apa yg si Aya alami. First, masa kejadian naik bas CAT nk balik dari QB. Bila aku langkah naik bas, tetiba lutut tak leh tolak badan naik berdiri. Gabra la. Dah la ramai orang dalam bas. Malu tu jangan cakap la. Nasib baik ada kawan-kawan yang tolong pegangkan beg. Aku terpaksa berjalan guna lutut, cari kerusi kosong utk support bangun. Bila jadi lagu tu, mmg orang lain tak boleh tolong. Badan jadi berat gila, tak dak tenaga utk support badan sendiri. Arwah tok dapat tau. Menangis mak tok sbb cucu dia naik bas tak leh berdiri. Balik weekend tu, mmg kena nasihat kaw2 punya la. Tok kata pi lagi keluaq, kn dh jadi mcm tu. Lepas pada tu, nk p QB mmg aku ambik e-hailing ja. Serik bak hang. 

Second time jadi bila pi air terjun kat Lawin nun. Baru ja langkah masuk ayaq, terus tak leh bangun berdiri. Lemah habih dua-dua kaki. Pastu, mak uda, angah n abang long came to the rescue. Mak uda tahan badan aku bagi straight guna kaki dia. Kalau dak, duk terlentang dlm ayaq tu macam paus mendarat di ayaq cetek. Depa nk tarik aku memang tak boleh la. Badan jadi berat. Last2, aku berpaut kt abang long, bangun sendiri slow2. Kononnya masuk ayaq nk hydrotherapy la, last2 tak leh berjalan nk naik ke darat balik. Ayah eden yg tolong dukung skit2 dkt kawasan yang susah nk jalan. Kaki kebas tahap pijak pasir rsa mcm pijak paku. Mulut habis biru. Tobat lahom tak mau terjun ayaq lata dah. Serik. 

Ada jugak terjadi dalam bilik sorang-sorang. Tengah berdiri, sedar2 dah melutut. Kuih la pi kt kerusi bangun balik. Ada satu hari tu,nak ambik barang kt almari atas, panjat la kerusi. Pastu, jadi tersentak lutut bakhang sampai teriak. Anis mai tanya pasai pa teriak. Pastu kena beletiaq dengan dia, lenkali nk ambik barang, minta orang tolong. Hahaha padan muka diri sendiri. 

Latest, time exam final last sem dalam bilik persidangan. Tersalah langkah naik bendul (bendul tinggi, langkah tak cukup), terus jatuh melutut. Tambah jammed kepala otak, bila tangan pun tak leh nk tahan body dari jatuh. Alamatnya, memang aku jatuh terbaring la kt situ. Nasib la sempat mengiringkan badan, so tak dak la tersembam muka dulu. Tak ramai pun yang ada waktu tu, tapi lecturer ada la (maybe tak perasan kut sbb tengah sibuk susun kertas). Untung ada kawan-kawan yang baik hati dan prihatin. Depa la yg tolong angkat aku. Angkat tu basically means pijak kaki aku bagi rapat ke lantai, then tarik aku bagi berdiri. Shoutout to mimi n hanis sbb selalu bersama aku in campus life. Sayang hgpa. Back to story tadi, kesan lebam + keluaq kulit tu seminggu gak la nak hilang. Mula2 ingatkan lebam biasa2, ni skali pakej keluaq kulit ni apahal. Tapi tu lah, kena adapt to the changes of my body every single time something happened. Klu ikutkan, jatuh skit lebam je la. Ni tidak. 

Pastu, haritu jari terkena pisau yang dikira tajam. Belek punya belek, darah tak keluaq pun. Sakit pun dak. Tapi dh lama2  sikit tu, rasa sakit mcm berdarah. Cek balik baru nampak bekas. Seinci gak la. Nak baik fully pun tak lagi. Dh dekat seminggu. Gegeh ngat aih jari pun. Lambat sangat nk elok. Nampak gaya macam nk bertukar jdi ulcer / calcinosis je. Harap2 tak jadi mende tu lah, biaq lega elok. 

Tu lah kisahnya. Tak dak pun special someone yg nk bagi semangat tambahan. Sekian rant saya tentang hidup single lawan penyakit. Jangan berharap pada yang tidak pasti. Masih awal utk ada special someone. Father n mother pun tak bagi couple2 time study. Family kami tak macam orang lain. Study smpai habis dlu baru boleh nk cari pasangan. CARI YER. BUKAN READY NK KAHWIN. Terpakai utk degree. Master tak tahu lagi SOP nya sbb degree tak habis lagi. Mak uda punya kes lps master baru kahwin tpi kenal sejak sekolah menengah. Aku haram nak kenai zaman sekolah menengah sbb sekolah tak dak laki. Klu nk ada kenai org laki, mungkin dri zaman sekolah rendah or zaman matrik or zaman degree. Tu pun boleh kira dengan jari (hyperbola skit). Anggarannya tak lebih 50 org laki yg aku kenai atau masih ingat (sekolah rendah la). Baik tak saya? 🤫🤫🤫 Perasann tak boleh dibincang🤣🤣 tapi, boleh jadi la sbb tak pernah ada history couple dgn sesapa. Setakat scandal zaman skolah rendah, tu pun bila pikir2 balik buat lawak jenaka je. 

TATBILB 2

Dear Mr. Fiq, 

Truthfully, aku still confuse nama hg yg sebenarnya. Yg mana satu betul pun aku tak tahu. 🤭

Well, kita pernah sekelas during sem 3&4 (minor). My expectation on men are high enough (nk yg mcm oppa2). Tapi, hg terkecuali. Sebab hg nampak mcm org baik2 gitu. And I believed that you are a good guy in real life. 

Aku tak sedar pun bila masa aku ter'crush' kt hg. Satu hari tu, hg masuk dewan kuliah dgn kawan2 hg. Pastu, hg letak sweater hg ats bag aku. I was like "wth mamat ni? Dlm banyak2 kerusi yg ada, awat hg letak sweater hg atas bag aku? Aku mai dlu kut." Hg duk line first, bag aku line second, aku duk line third. Normal utk aku letak bag kt kerusi kosong dlm kelas since aku tau tak dak org yg nak duk depan2 sgt. Klu kelas tu padat n sendat, mmg aku letak kt krusi sendiri la. Btw, kelas tu pun tak ramai sgt yg ambik. Ada la dlm 30 lebih rsanya. 

Then, ditakdirkan satu tutorial. Aku terpisah dri kwn2 yg lain. Ada la bbrapa orang lain yang ambik. Tpi, kontranya ramai budak laki dlm kelas tu bbnding tutor lgi satu. Aku kna terima lah sbb dh pilih time tu utk convenience diri. Hg dan kawan2 pun ada. Tpi, aku selalu ja takpi awal2 ats sbb yg tak dpt dielakkan. After few weeks, baru la aku pi. 

Giliran utk aku present adalah yg paling last. So, aku presenter yg terakhir utk sem tu. Waktu present tu, mmg aku tak tengok kut hg langsung. Gabra bakhang. Tpi, still managed eye contact dgn a few. Lps je habis present, kwn hg tnya "mmg suara aku mcm tu ka?" Well, aku mmg suara cm kartun sikit. Klu nk deep n loud the voice, nnti jdi mcm tersangkut kt kerongkong takmo keluaq. Pastu, aku jawab la "mmg centu pun plus gabra skit". 

Aku insecure nk present dpn org sekarang ni sbb condition aku la. Dolu2, relax je jdi MC dpn beribu org. Tu lah. Time changed everything. Imma still trying to love my new self completely. Bukan mudah utk terima everything that has happened that caused you to lose control of yourself unwillingly. 

Tapi, aku terima n redha dgn apa yg terjadi dan anggap ini semua adalah ujian hidup. Allah tidak akan menguji hamba-Nya dgn sesuatu melainkan dia mampu utk menggalas ujian tersebut. 

So, doakan aku agar aku terus kuat dan tabah utk menghadapi ujian ini. Coretan ni hanya sebagai kenangan bahawa aku pernah ter"crush" dekat someone like you. Dah nama pun crush, mmg utk hati aku crush to pieces pun. Tak expect utk dibalas balik atau apa2 sbb aku tahu it is almost impossible to be noticed by you. Wishing you all the best in the world & selamat utk habiskan degree ni. Ada setahun lagi utk kita grad. Semoga kita2 semua boleh grad tahun depan. 

Yours truthfully:)

Miyako

One Asma' - chapter 1

Chapter 1


"Along, ummi nak hantaq along masuk sekolah Nik Madihah tu." Kata-kata yang lahir dari bibir ummi menguatkan lagi perasaan seorang Iffah untuk menyambung pelajaran di bumi Maahad Muhammadi Perempuan, meskipun tempat tersebut jauh nun di negeri pantai timur sana.

Berbekalkan pertolongan daripada anak angkat mak tok yang menetap di Kelantan, urusan pengambilan borang diuruskan mereka. Akan tetapi, pemohon perlulah menduduki ujian kemasukan kerana sekolah tersebut merupakan salah sebuah sekolah kawalan.

Maka, berangkatlah Iffah dan keluarganya ke negeri Serambi Makkah dari Pulau Pinang untuk ke ujian kemasukan tersebut. Setibanya di sana, mareka bertemu dengan Cik Za dan Pak Cik Kamil terlebih dahulu. Mereka berdualah yang menolong urusan pengambilan borang dahulu. Mereka ditunjukkan lokasi sekolah tersebut supaya mudah bagi mereka untuk ke sana pada awal pagi keesokannya.

Keesokan harinya, mereka pergi ke sekolah tersebut pada awal pagi. Namun begitu, cuaca amat teruk sekali dengan hujan lebatnya dek kerana musim tengkujuh. Mujurlah Iffah sempat tiba tepat pada waktunya sebelum ujian bermula.

Ujian kemasukan itu terbahagi kepada dua iaitu ujian bertulis yang merangkumi pengetahuan am agama Islam serta ujian membaca dan hafazan yang merangkumi bacaan al-Quran dan hafazan surah-surah lazim.

Menurut taklimat yang diberikan kepada ibu bapa, hanya 10% sahaja pelajar luar negeri yang akan diambil untuk setiap kemasukan dan yang selebihnya diutamakan untuk pelajar dari Kelantan.

Iffah berharap agar dia diterima untuk kemasukan kali ini. Jika tidak, dia perlu ke SMKA (P) Al-Mashoor. Bila difikirkan kembali, semua sekolah yang dimohonnya adalah sekolah perempuan termasuklah Kolej Tunku Kurshiah. Tekadnya untuk lari dari lelaki amat tinggi sehingga semua sekolah yang dimohonnya adalah all-girls schools. Dia ingin lari jauh dari Penang, lari jauh dari scandalsnya, mencari dan meneroka dunia baru di luar sana.

One Asma' - prologue

Prologue

Sedang seorang anak gadis melayari keindahan malam, daya ingatannya mengimbas kembali kisah perjalanan hidupnya. Akan tetapi, dia sedar bahawa banyak perkara yang dia tidak mampu mengingat kembali. Barangkali memori tersebut tidak begitu penting lantaran dipadam dari ruang simpanan. Hati kecilnya berbisik untuk menenangkan jiwa yang bergelora.

Memikirkan kembali waktu-waktu yang dilalui, terasa waktu yang pergi begitu cepat berlalu. Sungguhlah yang dikatakan bahawa semakin bumi menghampiri kiamat, semakin cepat masa berlalu. Baru sahaja terasa seperti kelmarin hari raya korban disambut, kini seminggu lebih telah berlalu.

Sesekali, jarinya bergerak di atas skrin telefon pintar melayari media sosial untuk mengurangkan kebosanan. Satu per satu gambar di Instagram ditiliknya. Setelah bosan, dia beralih pula ke Facebook. Dibukanya profil sendiri untuk menukar gambar profil. Setelah semuanya selesai, dia membelek profilnya yang baru diubahsuai.

Tiba-tiba, matanya terpaku pada album gambar yang memaparkan wajah-wajah insan yang pernah mewarnai hidupnya. Memorinya terhenti di suatu tempat yang begitu istimewa di hatinya. Tempat yang telah menjadi saksi gelak tawa dan tangisan mereka untuk menuntut ilmu dan mencari erti kehidupan. Bibirnya menarik senyum segaris. "Apalah yang depa dok buat la ni agaknya?" soalnya hati kecilnya.

TATBILB 1

MY VERSION OF TATBILB 1

So, today i want to talk about my current crush number 1. Lets call him Zac Efron (not real name).  He is my course mate for the past 2 years since we are both pure biology students. Hopefully we will be parted ways in our 3rd year so that i can forget about him. :)

I get to know his name during our field trip to Mukahead at the end semester 1. That was because I was the one in charge to give out the room keys to other students. So, from the list, I got to know his name. I don't really like to know other people plus i am an introvert person (i guess so). I prefer to mingle with my small group of friends. Before that, we played the mafia game together as a group. I was one of the mafias that time. Before the game start, his friend, lets call him Noah Centineo (not real name), asked "are u rose?" and I was like "yup, that's me". and the game began. at the end, the mafia team won and I managed to protect my title till the end without getting caught (double jerk eyebrow). So, be prepared if u want to play mafia game with me.😉😉

As far as I can remember, I only talk to him once for the past 2 years. What a shy girl. That was because he asked me to look after his phone while he went into the sea for completing their group assignment. And after they had finished, I gave him his phone "here u go." That's all i said. u so funny la girl (laughing hard at myself).😅😅

After we finished the field trip, we had a test about the whole thing that we learned during the field trip.  on that day, after we finished the exam, his friend, that Noah was sitting behind me. he called me from the back. I turned to him. he said "Zac Efron called u". I turned to look at Zac who sat at the far corner of the hall. He was talking to his other friend as usual. What's wrong with this guy? Does he even knew that i had crush on his friend. I hope not. So, I just called it a day since we could enjoy the semester break fully and the tiredness from the trip didn't disappeared fully.

For the past 1.5 years, I always take a look at him and admire him from far away even when he was so near. Btw, as far as i knew, he has a lot of secret admirers. Lucky him. I tried my very best to hide myself from his line of sight since I don't like to be noticed by others. Furthermore, I don't like people to stare into my eyes since I worried that they get to sense whatever that I tried to conceal from others. I also don't stare into other people's eyes unless for important reasons. By the way, I'm not like other girl who managed to find someone on SNS, so until now I didn't find any of his SNS. It is a bit creepy for me to know that girls managed to find even little secret about someone they admired. I prefer to live my life as freely as I can and enjoy every moment that i have. 😏

I hope that I will not be in the same class with him anymore for the next 2 years so that I can forget him. it is better for me to focus more on myself. i am hoping he will not be reading this. For the rest of the story, i'd rather treasured it by myself.

 Best of luck to u Zac Efron and hope u lead a good life. 😉

peace y'all..

LOTSOFLOVE😍

SCLEROWHAT? PART II

Scleroderma, also known as systemic sclerosis, is a chronic and rare connective tissue disorder. Worry not my friends. This disease is not contagious, infectious or cancerous. So, you won't get this from me. The exact cause of this disease is still remain a mystery to this day. But scientist and medical researches still working hard to find those determination. It is known that this disease develops from overproduction of collagen but what triggers the overproduction of collagen in the body? (I didn't take any collagen product or other beauty products btw).

Scleroderma's signs and symptoms vary, depending on which parts of the body are involved:

• Skin. Nearly everyone who has scleroderma experiences a hardening and tightening of patches of skin. These patches may be shaped like ovals or straight lines, or cover wide areas of the trunk and limbs. The number, location and size of the patches vary by type of scleroderma. Skin can appear shiny because it's so tight, and movement of the affected area may be restricted.
• Fingers or toes. One of the earliest signs of scleroderma is an exaggerated response to cold temperatures or emotional distress, which can cause numbness, pain or color changes in the fingers or toes. Called Raynaud's disease, this condition also occurs in people who don't have scleroderma. (During high school, i always brag about how my hand cold when the weather is scorching hot. I thought it was a cool thing since I'm different from others 😌😮)
• Digestive system. In addition to acid reflux, which can damage the section of esophagus nearest the stomach, some people with scleroderma may also have problems absorbing nutrients if their intestinal muscles aren't moving food properly through the intestines.
• Heart, lungs or kidneys. Scleroderma can affect the function of the heart, lungs or kidneys to varying degrees. These problems, if left untreated, can become life-threatening

Since scleroderma can take many forms and affects so many different areas of the body, it might be difficult to be diagnosed. Myself had been misdiagnosed for about a year and half. During that time, I was diagnosed with various problems like muscle spasm, gout, AVN (avascular necrosis), frozen shoulder and vitiligo. Luckily, I get to be diagnosed correctly after that or else it might get worse than now. 

Doctors will always ask for blood test and urine test on every appointment. It is actually quite troublesome to drew blood from my body since the skin is hardening with minimum twice injection to collect the blood. I also had undergone chest x-ray, MRI, kidney ultrasound and echocardiogram (as I can remember since I've done a lot of things). Alhamdulillah praise to Allah. So far so good. All I need to do is maintaining this from not getting any worse. It will be better if it progressed towards a better condition. 

Having illnesses can give direct impact on mental health. Denial, anger and frustration are common in someone with chronic illness. Having support and understand from family members and friends are very important. Joining support group also can help by sharing experiences and feelings with each other. Currently, I still didn't found any support group in Malaysia, so i joined the USA support group. There are also doctors in the support group that always give us new information about new founding on recent research. I wonder how many Malaysian have scleroderma because I never heard any. Even at the hospital, I didn't found anyone that have the symptoms. Maybe they went on different day (if there were any). 

So, I am very thankful for those who were with me during ups and downs till this day. Love You All. 

~End of Sclerowhat?~ 

SCLEROWHAT?

Have you ever heard the word "scleroderma"? I'm sure that many of us have never heard that word. Neither do I. The first time i heard that "word" was from a dermatologist at General Hospital Penang on June 2018. I was having a medical appoinment that day due to my vitiligo problem. Parts of my body had been depigmentation (skin lose its natural colour) for quite some time since December 2016. So, going to the GH was a last resort when the condition continue to get worse. 

After having an examination by the MO, she went straight and called the specialist. He came to the room and informed me and my father, who was accompanying me that day, that I had a rare auto-immune disease called SCLERODERMA. We were stunned at first hearing that weird name and even having difficulties to mention it properly. My brain tried to find the right word. Secloderma? Scleroderma? Meh, so hard. I thought that i just need to googled it later. The doctor asked me to undergo chest x-ray right away since he worried that it would attack my lungs already. He also mentioned that this rare disease could harmed my internal organ. And i was like "okay, I'll do the reading about this sclero-whatever on my own."

As we were heading back to my hostel (btw, i'm still an undergraduate student in USM), i googled through the internet searching for the disease. Bbaamm. Reality hit me hard at that time. I was thinking about my future. All i saw at that time was darkness ahead of my teenage life. Is there still any hope for me to recover completely from this curse? What in the world is scleroderma? 

SCLERODERMA is an autoimmune disease characterized by skin hardening and thightening of skin and connective tissue. Autoimmune diseases are illnesses that occur when the body's tissues are attacked by its own immune system. Scleroderma results from an overproduction and accumulation of collagen in body tissues (who wants collagen can get it from me. i wish i can give you some 😝). Collagen is a fibrous type of protein that makes up your body's connective tissues, including your skin. Doctors aren't certain what prompts this abnormal collagen production, but the body's immune system appears to play a role.

Scleroderma complications range from mild to severe and can affect your:

• Fingertips. The variety of Raynaud's disease that occurs with scleroderma can be so severe that the restricted blood flow permanently damages the tissue at the fingertips, causing pits or skin sores (ulcers). In some cases, gangrene and amputation may follow.
• Lungs. Scarring of lung tissue (pulmonary fibrosis) can result in reduced lung function, reduced ability to breathe and reduced tolerance for exercise. You may also develop high blood pressure in the arteries to your lungs (pulmonary hypertension).
• Kidneys. When scleroderma affects your kidneys, you can develop elevated blood pressure and an increased level of protein in your urine. More-serious effects of kidney complications may include renal crisis, which involves a sudden increase in blood pressure and rapid kidney failure.
• Heart. Scarring of heart tissue increases your risk of abnormal heartbeats (arrhythmias) and congestive heart failure, and can cause inflammation of the membranous sac surrounding your heart (pericarditis). Scleroderma can also raise the pressure on the right side of your heart and cause it to wear out.
• Teeth. Severe tightening of facial skin can cause your mouth to become smaller and narrower, which may make it hard to brush your teeth or to even have them professionally cleaned. People who have scleroderma often don't produce normal amounts of saliva, so the risk of dental decay increases even more.
• Digestive system. Digestive problems associated with scleroderma can lead to acid reflux and difficulty swallowing — some describe feeling as if food gets stuck midway down the esophagus — as well as bouts of constipation alternating with episodes of diarrhea. 

to be continued...

p/s: please do drop any question or suggestion or anything in the comments below. critiques are also welcomed to improve my writing skills. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION & TIME. 

REFERENCES 

Mayo Clinic. (2019). Scleroderma - Symptoms and causes. [online] Available at: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/scleroderma/symptoms-causes/syc-20351952

William C. Shiel Jr., F. (2019). Scleroderma Diagnosis, Treatment, Causes & Symptoms. [online] MedicineNet. Available at: https://www.medicinenet.com/scleroderma/article.htm#what_are_medical_treatments_for_scleroderma