GE15 as First-time voter

Hello there. Long time no update here. Currently, I'm busy with my study. I pursue Master in Science (Health Toxicology) at AMDI, USM after resting for about a year. My BSc. didn't offer many job opportunities, so I decided to venture into new area that overlapped with my interest. 

So, the story about my first-time voter in Malaysia's GE15 starts here. The eligible age for this GE round is 18yo. Meanwhile, I'm 24 and the last GE, I was 20 whereby the eligible age was 21. Anyway, I was excited as I could fulfill my duty as a Malaysian. I didn't want to impart my opinions on political aspects. Rather, I just want to share my experience going to voting centre. 

My polling station was at SMK Bakti while my sisters were at SK Pengkalan Jaya. I didn't know how we were parted like this since our address was the same. Maybe, I registered much earlier than them. I was in Saluran 1, which is for elderly and handicapped personnel. Well, I was in the second category. When I went to "meja semakan daftar pengundi", the officer who wrote it was shocked at first and ask the other one again for reconfirmation. She was like " saluran 1?!". Yup, it's me with my invisible disability. They might had been wondering what kind of OKU I am. "She seems normal, maybe she's mentally OKU, but she didn't look mentally ill" was what they might thought. I'm in physical category. Seems normal on the outside, but you can see subtle hint if you observe carefully. 

After I got my piece of paper with saluran & number, I walked joyfully. I was very excited and expected saluran 1 to be a quick touch n go. However, luck was not on my side. As I arrived, there was already a long queue of grans, aunties & uncles. I was the only young people in that line. Chairs were provided, so I sat down first because I was having shortness of breath already. Later, an old granny came and cut in the queue, probably she didn't expect that I was also queuing. Later, she was asked to go first by others since she's older than them. The officers prioritize those in wheelchairs & sick elders to go first.  

It took about 15 minutes before the queue started to move. What are they doing in there? Saluran 2 ahead of us already cleared after they queued for a few minutes. It was quite interesting when listening to conversations between the uncles & aunties. It's like a reunion of villagers & old friends. The waiting time until my turn took about 45 minutes. It was very long for saluran 1 if compare with saluran 1 at other polling stations. 

And it was my turn. The officer read out my number, IC and name. It was on the first page, and supposedly "(OKU)" was written next to my name, but I didn't notice it (I only knew about it while conversing with my uncle that have the same circumstance as me). So, I dipped my finger, collected the ballot paper, places my bag in the basket and proceed to "X" the preferred candidate. My parliament had 5 candidates from 5 different parties. So, the ballot paper was quite long. I couldn't imagine how long the ballot papers for 10-corners match. 

After putting my ballot paper inside the box, I went out and washed my hand at the sink provided. The ink was little bit messy but it's okay. I called my father while walking to the gate so that he would pick me up at the gate. I'd lost my energy tremendously queueing in the line. It was very tiring but I felt happy. Later, we both went to pick my sisters from their polling stations. They were in saluran 5, which was expected to be crowded than any other, but they also finished at the same time as me. 

We still didn't have an official PM yet as of now (0002 hrs, 24 Nov), but I hope Malaysia will have a good PM and cabinet members that care for the people & country. 

P/s: I'm an OKU cardholder as of July 2022, after years of battling with my inner voice. I was suggested to apply it much earlier (2019) by my aunt when I still cannot accept the fact that I might have to live with it for the rest of my life. This year, I decided to apply it and I have accepted this fate. However, I will still find ways towards full recovery. I started driving once again since I need to go to classes but I can only drive less than 30 minutes per trip. If not, I'll be having body ache for the rest of the day. And I need a lot of rest when I get home even if the journey is a short one. With my condition, I don't think I'll be able to have a family of my own. Kesian kt laki tu, tapi kalau ada jodoh tak ke mana. For the time being, let's live my single life to the fullest.  

Kidney biopsy (GwSSc3)

 Welcome back to my blog. In conjunction with World Sleroderma Day (29th June), I want to share a little bit more of my journey in completing my degree while battling Scleroderma (SSc). 

Apart from having SSc, I was also detected with overt proteinuria and referred to nephrology. After 2 years of fluctuating readings, doctors decided that it would be better for me to undergo biopsy. I was in my 3rd year (semester 6) during that time. The date for biopsy was set on the spot after I thought it through (I went for the appointment by myself that day). However, I forgot that my parents would be travelling overseas at that time 🥴. After discussing with my family, my aunties were willing to accompany me on behalf of my parents. 

Before I was admitted, I sent notification letters to all my lecturers whom I had classes with to avoid any problems since attendances to classes were important. If not, the chances of being barred from exam might be higher. It was during a hectic time when labs were conducted and lab reports must be submitted. Luckily, no tests were scheduled. 

Supposedly I must be admitted to the ward in the morning. But due to lack of hospital bed, I was told to be there at noon. I was led into an isolation room at the end of the corridor. I never thought that I would be in a 1-person room as I prepared myself to be in general ward. What a bless. After settling myself down, a doctor came to withdraw my blood for blood test. After 3rd try, he gave up. It was evening already. He called his friend for help. After the 9th try and few more doctor, my blood was successfully withdrew. And it was already dark outside. This is a common problem in people with SSc since many of us might have small, collapsing vein or other conditions that make it difficult to draw blood. So, it is normal for us to be poked around with butterfly, branula a few times every trip of blood test. If luck was on us that day, one jab was a success already. 

After the result was out, they told me that I need platelet transfuse. So, the jabbing for IV line preparation continued. I lost count after the 5th jab and it was still a failure. Lastly, they called anaesthesiologist for help. She was also failed. She asked help from her boss and brought over an ultrasound machine. Both of them tried to make an IV line at my neck. I felt like they tried to slaughter me with the machine pressing onto my neck and needle probing my skin (jk 😁). Still, it was a failure and the clock already showed past midnight. They told me that they would brought me to IR (interventional radiology) the next morning. Around 5.30 am, I was awoke by a doctor and was told that I need to have IV drip ASAP. She told me that there was a place where they didn't try yet. It was a central line, specifically femoral line. I agreed to it. Still, it was a tough journey to set up an IV line. Plus, I was alone on the 1st night since we thought no company was allowed. 

At first, it was quite awkward to move around with a branula stuck at that area, but soon I got used to it. The biopsy procedure was in the afternoon, on 2nd day. I was guided and walked to a room. It was shocking since the room looks like a library with all the books and papers around. In the middle of the messiness, there was a procedure bed with all the necessary equipment beside it. I laid down on my stomach on the bed and was encircled by a few doctors including 3 specialists. I was briefed about the procedure. Later, I was given local anesthetic to my back area near the kidney. I could feel the needles probing into my skin, my kidney and everything that happened but I didn't feel any pain. After resting for 15 minutes, I was pushed into the isolation room. I couldn't move from the bed for another 6 hours. I was instructed to pee into the specimen bottles for them to check if there was any bleeding. Fortunately, my aunty, Acu, was there to accompany and help me after doctor told that it would be better to have a company. 

I was discharged at 3 pm the next day. I went home and was given a week worth MC. But, I still had to submit my assignment the day I was discharged. I forced myself to complete it despite feeling exhausted from the hospital trip. Well, I guess that's all I want to share about my kidney biopsy experience. The result from the biopsy suggested that I might have FSGS but cannot be determined due to lack of specimen. I do have an IG story highlight about this. Feel free to watch it if you want to know more inside story ✌️✌️ 

Graduating with Scleroderma part 2

Another unforgettable experience was when I was having a final exam in meeting room, also in my 3rd year. The meeting room have a platform-like structure surrounding the middle area, so we must step onto the platform if we want to go to the door. After the answer sheets were submitted to the invigilator, which happened to be our lecturer, we were busy packing up our belongings. As always, I stayed a little behind from everyone. When it was my turn, not more than 10 people left in the room. As I stepped on the platform, my leg gave up on me again and I fell on my knees. I tried to ask help from Mimi & Hanis, my two close friends. Somewhat later, I found myself laying on the floor face first because my back also gave up on me. Luckily, the floor was carpeted. In an attempt to stop me from falling hard on my face, mishap occurs to Mimi's pants (I felt guilty up to this day even though she's cool about it). 

I needed to lay on my back first before I could get up. Mimi & Hanis both stepped on my feet to planted it to the floor and pulled me up. After 2 attempts, I was able to stand up. They helped me packed my belongings & accompanied me to my hostel. Once I arrived at my room, I felt a stinging pain at my knees. There were bruises and a little skin abrasion. It took about a week to heal completely. What a catch for such small injuries. 

There was another falling incident which happened in my 4th year. This was when I went back to live in hostel during the MCO 3.0 in Malaysia. That day, I went to the cafeteria to buy food for lunch. I went alone since my sister, which happened to be my roommate, was fasting. I didn't bring my phone with me. I bought rice with beef soup and sambal belacan. Then, I wanted to buy some drinks. As I walked to the drinking stall, I found my legs stopped working mid-air causing me to have misstep. As I tried to stop myself, I later found myself fell on my face, surely a hard one. I could not wake up by myself. A few cafeteria aunties came to my rescue. They helped me got up and carried me to a chair. Thank goodness they all somewhat knew that I was not very well from the beginning. It was rather embarrassing with all eyes on me, but what could I do. My right forehead was swollen as big as an egg. An uncle who works at the hostel knew my father & he contacted my father. Another uncle called for ambulance from university clinic. A few students informed my sister & she later came down. The ambulance arrived and I was taken to the clinic. 

Once at the clinic, I was examined by the doctor & taken for a X-ray. Luckily there was nothing serious occured. No concussion or whatsoever. I was discharged with few medication for the swollen. Later, my sister's friend came and gave us a ride to hostel. Funny enough, I have an appointment with rheumatology at GHPP the next day. I told the doctor about that incident. She referred me to neurology department. The swollen took about 4 days to subside. And I felt rather traumatic to went anywhere alone without my phone for a few weeks after that. 

As for my Final Year Project, I was quite pitiful. I need to change my project at the very last minute due to the unexpected MCO 3.0 that happened back in 2021. Before that, I had changed my title once from the original one. Let me tell you how we choose our FYP title. First, we must submitted a form with our top 3 selected topic. Then, the result will determine our project & supervisor. I, for sure, filled in my form and submitted it. However, 1 topic was short from the list. Little did I knew that the missing topic was specially intended for me. After a few thinking, I changed my title to accommodate my condition. As I prepared to start my project after semester break, the Malaysian government announced MCO 3.0. WTH. That night, I could not fell asleep at all. I planned another project, wrote another proposal and sent it to my supervisor. Luckily, my SV was understanding and he allowed me to change my title again. Well, as the time went by, I managed to finish my project within the limited time. And all the writing and presenting went well without major  hindrance. And as of October 2021, I officially graduated with not-so-flying-colours but "boleh la" (so-so). I could accept it since I knew I did gave my best even though I was once a very brilliant student during my school years. I knew that having this disease cost me my brain capacity with all the brain-fogging. Tbh, I went back and forth with google translate since there are certain words that I forgot the spelling, the words in english even simple ones (sometimes). So, pardon me for any mistakes that happened in this writing yeah. 

Well, I guess that's all I wanna share for the time being. See you in another posting soon. Take care & stay safe. Be happy and enjoy the moment. 

Graduating with Scleroderma part 1

 Hello!! Long time no update about my life with Scleroderma (aka Systemic sclerosis, SSc.) y'all. This time I wanna share about my degree life as someone with SSc. 

Alhamdulillah, I've completed my B. Sc. (Hons.) Biology in USM on time, which was on October 2021, as per 4-year degree programme. However, the convocation was only be able to be held this year due to Covid situation. So, yeayyy!! I was able to wear my graduation robe and walk on the stage last May. It was coincidental with my birth month & eid month. So, lots of things happened in the span of that one month. 

Having this disease was not easy especially for me and for those around me; my family & my close friends. There were a lot of unfortunate incidents, blood, sweat, tears, self-deprecating, mental health crisis, etc. But, I was able to overcome those with the helps and encouragement from people around me. 

For those who didn't know, I was diagnosed with SSc. in my 1st year of degree. It was quiet devastating at first since we never heard about it. But, as the time goes by, everything felt somewhat tolerable despite a few hiccups from time to time. I'm grateful enough that I was diagnosed earlier (about a year later after symptoms appeared). And due to me being in Malaysia, a tropical country, the progress of my symptoms were slower compared to others in 4-season countries especially in terms of sclerodactyly. It was not completely uninterrupted since the tightening still occured but at a much slower & under controlled. Raynauds still persist until today. However, calcinosis was long gone after I stopped taking calcium supplement. The scars left by the calcinosis still visible on the tip of my fingers. Telanglectasias are all over my body. Some doctors said it was not that but rather side effect of prednisone. I don't really know which to believe. GERD is getting worse especially at night, sometimes I'm gassy and bloated all day, sometimes I don't. That is the update of my current condition. 

Now, let's talk about my degree journey. I think I wanna share unforgettable experiences during my 4 years as a university student. Having SSc. have impacted a lot of daily life activities especially mobility issue. Going back & forth from classes to hostel were challenging when my hostel was located on the hill, while the lecture was located about 2 km away, with lots of stairs & reclining road. When I was feeling better, I walk a little to the bus stop & rode the bus to class. If I was having a not-so-good day, I would took Grab/Uber. 

Speaking of bus, I had an unfortunate incident while riding the bus one day in my 3rd year of university. On that particular day, me & my friends went to Queensbay Mall for an outing after class ended. We took the free CAT bus to commute there. On the way back, after few minutes of waiting, the CAT bus arrived. There were quiet lots of people also awaiting for the bus. Everybody were fighting to get on the bus first to grab a seat but I stayed a far bit behind. When almost everyone boarded the bus, I crept my way up to the bus. I climbed onto the bus with my right leg first. It struck me the moment I tried to push my body up to stand that my leg gave out on me at the bus' door. WTH. The bus was going to move at any time. I dragged both of my feet into the bus and kneeled by the door finding for support. Luckily I was not alone. My friends tried to pull me up at first but it was a failed attempt. They helped me to grab my bag & other things from me. After several tries of trying to stand up by the door, I was devastated. A lot of people also look at me. I was really embarrassed but what could I do. After few minutes, an elderly woman (around 50 yo) stood up from her seat. I made my way slowly while knee-walking to the empty seat. I then prompted myself up the seat feeling really grateful for the aunt. 

When we arrived at my hostel, my friend, Mimi, accompanied me back to my room. Not gonna lie, I felt that my leg would gave up on me anytime after I disembarked the bus. The journey to my room was challenging in that condition since I must climbed up a flight of stairs. But, I managed to endure it until I arrived at my room. Once I saw the bed, I collapsed on it immediately not having any energy left to remove my socks or anything. That was a really bad day for me. I uploaded an IG story about that incident hoping that the older members of my family were not alerted especially my late grandmother since she was not well. However, she later found out about it from my aunt and cried a little (according to my aunt). Later that night, I was lectured by her through phone calls and was given a warning of not going anywhere without any accompany. Since that day, I have trouble with busses and would think thoroughly before I rode one up to this day. 

One Asma' Chapter 4 (Kejar-mengejar penceroboh)

Tahun berikutnya, bilangan pelajar luar negeri bertambah. Adik Iffah, Izzati juga menyambungkan pelajaran di situ. Junior Amirah, Sarah dan Aqilah, serta junior Syammas, Hawa, turut sama sambung belajar di MMP. Maka, bertambahlah bilangan pelajar yang tidak pulang pada minggu balik. 

P/s: sila rujuk gambar di atas untuk kedudukan kawasan aspuri. Bangunan yang bertanda X masih belum wujud pada ketika itu. 

Pada suatu petang hari persekolahan, kesemua pelajar perlu mengosongkan blok masing-masing dan ke masjid aspuri (surau). Setelah selesai menunaikan solat magrib, tiba-tiba terdengar jeritan dari blok A. Jeritan itu datangnya daripada pelajar yang tidak turun blok. Setelah disoal, dia menyatakan bahawa ternampak kelibat seorang lelaki di dalam blok. 

Perkara tersebut dimaklumkan kepada warden. Kemudian, semua pelajar diminta untuk naik ke blok masing-masing serta memastikan tiada barang yang dicuri. Boleh dikatakan setiap pelajar memegang apa sahaja alatan yang boleh dijadikan senjata seperti penyapu, penyodok, gunting dan sebagainya. [ Waktu ni aku pegang gunting kertas kalau tak salah. Adrenalin memuncak, duk pikiaq kalau jumpa, tibai saja. Dia sorang, kami ramai.]

Dalam keadaan kelang-kabut, terdengar pula jeritan lain mengatakan bahawa si lelaki itu telah menyamar sebagai pelajar dengan memakai telekung dan keluar dari blok menuju ke arah padang asrama. Maka, berbondong-bondonglah pelajar berlari mengejarnya. [ Mentang-mentanglah pakaian rasmi kami turun blok pakai telekung, dia pun join sekaki sebab nak konfiuskan orang]

Dikhabarkan bahawa si lelaki terbabit telah memanjat tangki air besar di tepi sekolah itu. Pada ketika itulah, pihak polis tiba. Mereka pun memeriksa tangki air tersebut. Kedengaran suara sekumpulan pemuda seperti bersorak kegembiraan merentas jalan besar pada waktu sama.  Setelah beberapa ketika, polis datang memaklumkan bahawa tiada apa-apa yang dijumpai.

Malam itu, kesemua pelajar diminta membaca surah Yasin disamping al-Mulk sebagai pelindung diri. Mereka juga bergilir-gilir berjaga di bilik masing-masing untuk keselamatan. Biarpun hampir 10 tahun berlalu, masih terbayang peristiwa kejar-mengejar itu sehingga kini. Antara pengalaman berharga bersekolah di sekolah perempuan membuktikan kami kuat dan berani dalam apa keadaan. Kita jaga kita [cewwahh]

Sehingga ke hari ini, banyak persoalan masih belum terungkap. Benarkah ada lelaki yang memecah masuk asrama? Kalau betul, bagaimana dia melakukannya? Satu-satunya cara adalah melalui pintu di rooftop (flat rooftop tempat sidai baju). Hendak dikatakan salah, sorakan kegembiraan pemuda tika itu menimbulkan syak wasangka. Hmmmm entahlah. Wallahualam. 

One Asma' Chapter 3

 Selepas selesai berkenalan, Iffah pun duduk termenung di atas katil. Sambil termenung, sambil memerhati orang yang baru masuk. Petang pun menjelma. Bilangan orang yang masuk keluar bilik pun mula berkurangan. Iffah pun turun dari katil meninjau keadaan bilik. 

Setelah beberapa langkah menapak, Iffah terlihat kelibat seorang pelajar sedang duduk di atas katil. "Assalamualaikum. Nama apa?" Iffah bertanya. Nama pelajar tersebut ialah Nurul Amirah. Maka, Iffah pun perkenalkan diri. "Asal mana?" tanya Iffah. "Penang" jawab Amirah. "La, kami pun oghang penang jugak." Iffah menjawab. Rupa-rupanya, mereka berdua berasal dari Penang. Kebetulan pula, mereka berdua juga sekelas, Tingkatan 1 Khadijah 3.

Bilik Asma' 1 juga mempunyai ramai pelajar luar negeri. Syammas dari Kedah, Hani dari Melaka, Ieman dari Selangor, Anis Syukriah dan Aqilah dari Terengganu. 

Pada hari pertama persekolahan, mereka ke sekolah bersama-sama. Mereka menghadapi masalah komunikasi kerana dialek Kelate yang digunakan di dalam kelas. Namun, masalah komunikasi dapat diatasi dengan pertolongan rakan-rakan sekelas. 

Pada minggu balik, kebanyakan pelajar asrama pulang ke rumah masing-masing. Yang tinggal di bilik hanyalah 3 budak utara dengan seorang senior tingkatan 4 yang baru berpindah ke MMP, Kak Nisah, orang Selangor. Manakala yang lain-lain pulang ke rumah nenek atau saudara mereka. 

Jadi, warden mengumpulkan pelajar-pelajar yang tidak pulang di dalam satu/dua bilik sahaja. Pada waktu tersebut, bilangan yang tidak pulang memang teramat sedikit. Makanan pun perlu dibeli di luar kerana dewan makan tidak menyediakan makanan.